That moya moya feeling

 Sunday August 11, 2024 

It has been a long while. I meant for today to be a no tech day, but here we are. 

Started this morning better than most days, managed to do some unpacking in the kitchen and try to write some morning pages.  I think maybe the days that I purposely try to limit tech are the ones that end up being more productive, and when I say productive, I mean in a healthily get something done and move forward with life way as opposed to the overwork kind of a way. 

At the moment I'm in the midst of job hunting and wondering what the possibilities are and kinda worried that they might not exist as I hope them to. I'm not sure if it's that I'm not being patient enough, (it's been about a week or so), or that I'm sad inside from lots of things, or that I'm feeling the lack of having a close community physically around me. It feels ironic to want to be able to cry with someone there, knowing that if someone were there, you probably wouldn't cry cuz their very presence is enough to keep the sadness and tears at bay. And maybe the crying alone and releasing the emotion is what is needed and sometimes we really do have to fight our own battles and overcome our own challenges even though we know our friends would be right by our side and support us if we could telepathically communicate our feelings. 

I think that there is a silver lining to hard times and that is that there will be some kind of result after the storm (though perhaps another metaphor is better cuz I actually personally love storms, especially the thundery kind) so maybe after the sludge is better. Yeah. So maybe it's about recognizing the feelings, acknowledging them, and trying to calm them, and bring back your faith and remember that quote 

"Do no be afraid. Your fate cannot be taken from you. It is a gift." 

and remember to see with eyes unclouded what a gift the things and people and occurrences in our lives are even if the unknown is scary, even if stagnation is uncomfortable, even if what the majority believes lacks magic and romance. 

We go forth. 

And a song to accompany you when these times arise: 

Everything's Alright from To the Moon (cover)