Catching up on the past 2...almost 3 years ^-^'

November 19, 2020 

Okaaaaaaayyyy... So despite the best intentions of my 2018 self who had planned to blog more actively, well... clearly that didn't happen. But I did have 2 unpublished gems to share from back in those days. Yay~ And as my current self dug through my drive for the photos that my 2018 self had intended to add to the posts before publishing them, I stumbled upon this wonderful gift that my past self left for me. 

jya jya!!!~ One of my old school desks! X> natsukashiiiiii <3 <3 <3

This comes at a time when I'm in a place in life where I'm in between jobs and just marked the passage of age where I'm due to have my 1/3 life crisis any day now. It still boggles my mind that the past looks so rose tinted and the present is just so blah! in your face, but...it could also be the lighting. XD

In my final days of quarantine after daring to travel during this COVID-19 era, I've been dutifully and happily staying at home and trying to declutter the messiness that is my apartment. 

After an unsuccessful attempt at clothes organizing, I decided to tackle the giant pile of papers/magazines and bags of plastic that I've been stock piling for years. I know I know, hoarding is not a good thing. I'm just still learning how to let go of things that might still be useful or can have one more life before being chucked away and burned to oblivion. Is that really so bad? Anyhow I've managed to part with some of the papers and most of the plastic, so my kitchen corner is slowly but surely inching its way toward a semblance of tidiness. 

While I was going through the papers, little memories popped up here and there. A magazine from when I led my very first tour. Calligraphy from my early days as an ALT. *la sigh* Time sure passes quickly. Where did all of it go? My present life seems to ere on the side of struggles, yet I feel like I have a bit more of a grasp on the awareness of it. Perhaps it's the endless rush of work that feels as if time is being stolen away. 

I've had my moments this past month wondering and contemplating what's next and where my path will lead and where I want to be. I hate the feeling of being a cog in a wheel, yet I want to have a job that is meaningful, and aren't cogs necessary for whatever machines they're part of to run? I guess the question is, what machine I want to help run. I think it helps when worries arise, or I get very in my head about these kinds of things, to take a step back and look outward and remember the lovely souls that surround me. I am so blessed with this life, to know wonderful people, and live in the same time as them. Speaking of, my would be host family stopped by to drop off some dinner for me today. T^T They are soo good to me! <3 It's gestures like these that make me feel so thankful to the world, knowing that there are such lovely people in it. Maybe it's that faith too, that I'll be okay. My struggles are so small compared to what others face.  

Dreams: Helping at a kindergarten, haunted reflections, elevator trains, B1 food stall